The Editors

Alabama — Bamalama Alaska — Freezeyerassoff Arizona — Levi’s Sandbox Arkansas — Suweee-Suweee California — Cocina del Diablo Colorado — White Man’s Mountains Connecticut — MILF Party Central Delaware — George Washington’s Pissoir Florida — New Israel Georgia — Scalp-u Hawaii — The Hoochie-Coochie … Continue Reading

County Highway is a proudly tariff-free, bullshit-free, political-propaganda-free, and AI-free publication. We hire real writers, artists, and editors and encourage them to do great work. Then we print that work on paper, because that’s the way that God intended for humans to read.  A big part of … Continue Reading

Amount bet on the Kentucky Derby in 2024 — $210.7 million Amount Americans bet on sports in 2024 — $148 billion Increase in sports betting since 2021 — +45% Tariffs imposed by the Tariff Act of 1789 — 5% Tariff of Abominations of 1828 — 50% Smoot Hawley Act of 1930 — 59.1% Average effective tariff … Continue Reading

To US Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. for embarking on a “massive testing and research effort” to help understand the causes of the alarming rise in autism, a condition that was vanishingly rare fifty years ago but now affects about 3 percent of American children under the … Continue Reading

To David Johansen, the rock singer and actor who died in his house on Staten Island at the age of 75 in February. Johansen made rock history as the lead singer of the New York Dolls whose eponymous 1972 first album and the 1974 follow-up Too Much Too Soon helped invent punk rock before British … Continue Reading

50 billion — dollar amount of “government waste” identified so far by Elon Musk’s D.O.G.E. 8 billion — pounds of waste produced per year by American D-O-G dogs 200,000 — number of Caribbean pink flamingoes in the wild 20 million — number of pink plastic flamingoes sold since 1957, when sculptor Don … Continue Reading

Alabama — “Roll, Tide” gift bags, luggage tags, and gold-plated tiny helmets distributed to state officeholders Alaska — Federally-subsidized ice sculptures of whales Arizona — Cashing social security checks for thousands of 140-year old retirees Arkansas — Department of Bootlegging Studies at the … Continue Reading

Donald Trump is as close to a one-man show as Washington has seen since Barack Obama’s second term in office. What that means for America’s future — and the rest of the planet — depends on whether Trump can carry through on his promises of a new American Revolution or whether the forces he has … Continue Reading

To the Kansas City Chiefs for continuing their latest march to Super Bowl with no wide receivers and Taylor Swift playing both offense and defense in-between gigs on her Eras Tour. The NFL has never seen anything like this before, and truth be told it’s not pretty to look at. No one wants to see … Continue Reading

Police in Bakersfield, California, are investigating an instant in which a customer shot himself Friday afternoon, December 20th, inside a busy Chipotle restaurant. A police spokesperson said they received a report of a shot going off in the Chipotle bathroom on Mount Vernon, just south Highway … Continue Reading

30 — Percent of US wheat directly treated before harvest with glyphosate, the active ingredient in the cancer-causing herbicide Roundup 100 — Percent of US soybean acreage treated with glyphosate 1500 — Percent increase in global use of glyphosate since the introduction of “Roundup ready” … Continue Reading

AI — Your toaster is smarter than you are Doge — Not pronounced “dog” Doge coin — Elon Musk wants you to buy it   Harris campaign — Where did the money go? Kayfabe — It’s fake K-Hive — K-Hole Pedo — New word for “famous”   Pollsters — “It’s a toss-up” means never having to say you were wrong Joe … Continue Reading

Alabama — George Wallace “I won” bumper sticker Alaska — Muktuk  Arizona — Lisinoprin Arkansas — Whisk broom  California — OG Kush preroll Colorado — Invoice from new Venezuelan landlord Connecticut — MILF neighbor’s house keys  Delaware — Hunter Biden’s coke spoon Florida — Trump family … Continue Reading

44.9 — Elon Musk’s compensation package as head of Tesla, in billions 45,811 — Average salary of non-CEO Tesla employee, in dollars 20 — Multiple of average worker compensation earned by US corporate CEO in 1950 271 — Multiple of average worker compensation earned by US CEO in 2016 3,580 — Current … Continue Reading

The US Department of Justice has charged Lisa Findley of Kimberling City, Missouri with faking documents, forging signatures, and impersonating officers of a fictitious loan company in a scheme to auction off Graceland. Prosecutors said Findley claimed that Lisa Marie Presley had signed over the … Continue Reading

Brickbat  For the Boeing Corporation, which has stranded US astronauts Sunita Williams and Butch Wilmore in space since June with no end in sight, thanks to the faulty engineering and construction of the company’s supposedly reusable Starlight spacecraft, which experienced software failures, five … Continue Reading

Alabama — Alabama Slammer   Alaska — Red Bull with glacial ice  Arizona — Alka-Seltzer Arkansas — Milk  California — Gin and Juice  Colorado — Coors Banquet Golden Lager  Connecticut — Moscow Mule  Delaware — Coke Florida — Mojito   Georgia — Fani Willis Grey Goose  Hawaii — Shaved ice syrup  Idaho … Continue Reading

The Florida legislature is taking action against the threat of “crack bears,” which are apparently menacing rural homeowners. Under the terms of HB 87, Floridians will be allowed to shoot and kill bears that trespass on their property, as long as they notify the Florida Fish and Wildlife … Continue Reading

To pop queen Gwen Stefani for emerging from domestic happy-land with country-music prince Blake Shelton to grace some stages in the American heartland this summer with her necessary presence. Call her punk, pop, ska-pop, rock, or SoCal Harajuku girl, Stefani combines the best female-performer stage … Continue Reading

Hip-Hop Star Young Thug — Prophet of the corruption of the Georgia legal system  Hunter Biden — The President both parties can agree on  Felony — A misdemeanor dressed up for election day Dementia — Qualification for higher political office  Justice — My share of the pie Oppression — Your share of … Continue Reading

39 million — Total number of hunting permits, licenses, and stamps issued in the US in 2021 100 — Approximate number of hunting-related fatalities in the US in 2021 30 — Number of hunting fatalities reported in Texas in 1970  1 — Number of hunting fatalities in Texas in 2023 0 — Estimated number of … Continue Reading

July 4th is a traditional time to celebrate America’s republican democracy, eat hamburgers and pie, set off fireworks, and take stock of where we are at as a nation. By some measures, we are doing fantastically well — a military hyperpower with global reach powered by the world’s most advanced … Continue Reading

Brat summer — How to go from 0 votes to 91 million votes in three months  Permission structure — How they make you think their thoughts Donald J. Trump — William Jennings Bryan plus the Pillow Guy  The Gilded Age — Who says history doesn’t repeat itself?  Great Britain — No Constitution or Bill of … Continue Reading

The experience of living in modern times is defined by the pace of change being faster than human beings can process in the moment. While we are looking in one place, the reality that we took for granted a little bit to the left or the right has become unrecognizable. In fact, too many things are … Continue Reading

This year I went to spring training in Florida with my son, which is corny. My son is 18 years old, lives on a ranch on the other side of the country and reads Wittgenstein, and comports himself very often like a grown man. At the same time, he’s not above bringing a baseball mitt to games or … Continue Reading

The great Polish poet Czesław Miłosz, winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature back when such prizes were awarded for actual literary merit, was the first artist to publicly defect from a Communist bloc country after World War II. By then, the horrors of Nazi death camps and Stalinist gulags were … Continue Reading

There is no shortage of opinions going around these days. What they mostly have in common is that the people who offer them don’t have the slightest idea of what they are talking about, and at the same time imagine that they themselves will bear zero responsibility for the consequences of their … Continue Reading

Alabama — Bear Bryant Alaska — Bullwinkle the Moose  Arizona — Barry Goldwater  Arkansas — Bill Clinton  California — Snoop Dogg  Colorado — Adolph Coors Connecticut — Thurston Howell III  Delaware — Hunter Biden  Florida — Franklin Delano Roosevelt Georgia — Jimmy Carter  Hawaii — Barack Obama … Continue Reading