Stocking Stuffers by All 50 States

Featurette

Stocking Stuffers by All 50 States

By The Editors

Alabama — George Wallace “I won” bumper sticker

Alaska — Muktuk

Arizona — Lisinoprin

Arkansas — Whisk broom

California — OG Kush preroll

Colorado — Invoice from new Venezuelan landlord

Connecticut — MILF neighbor’s house keys

Delaware — Hunter Biden’s coke spoon

Florida — Trump family silver-dollar set featuring Donald, Melania, Don Jr., Lara, and Eric (Jared and Ivanka platinum-plated Hanukkah coins available at extra charge)

Georgia — Allman Brothers Band bottle-opener

Hawaii — Freeze-dried saimin

Idaho — Potato peeler

Illinois — S&W Bodyguard 380

Indiana — John Cougar Mellencamp sings Cole Porter for the holidays

Iowa — Twin Bing

Kansas — Jayhawks fridge magnet

Kentucky — Erotic jockey silks

Louisiana — Crystal hot sauce

Maine — Live lobster

Maryland — Tartar sauce packets

Massachusetts — IUD

Michigan — Can of motor oil

Minnesota — Old hockey puck

Mississippi — Blues harmonica, dark sunglasses

Missouri — Two-headed coin for conning suckers

Montana — Trout lure

Nebraska — Share of Berkshire Hathaway stock

Nevada — Blackjack Blueprint by Rick Blaine

New Hampshire — Shot of methadone

New Jersey — Mini cannoli

New Mexico — Glass earrings from Alamogordo

New York — Pepper spray

North Carolina — Leading With the Heart: Coach K’s Successful Strategies for Basketball, Business, and Life by Mike Krzyzewski

North Dakota — Electric shaver for bison

Ohio — J.D. Vance Playgirl interview with centerfold

Oklahoma — Brachiosaurus femur

Oregon — Home meth-lab starter kit

Pennsylvania — Flash drive of unfiled illegal Kamala Harris ballots

Rhode Island — Taylor Swift scrunchy

South Carolina — Bag of boiled peanuts

South Dakota — Black Hills gold necklace

Tennessee — Dunlop guitar pick

Texas — Ted Cruz bobblehead

Utah — Whisper Rabbit

Vermont — One-piece red union suit (unisex)

Virginia — Riding crop

Washington — iPhone power bank

West Virginia — Powerball lottery ticket

Wisconsin — Five-pound cheddar wheel

Wyoming — New Kanye West album

By The Editors

Tags:
Muktuk
Platinum-plated Hanukkah coins
Mellencamp sings

Eulogy

My Mother Ethel

Ranked among the world’s best amateur female tennis players, she could catch a football while sprinting and could hit all the keys on a piano with just five digits.

Compelled Cabinet members to play charades, freeze tag, capture the flag, kick the can, and to climb ropes, do push-ups, and fence with bamboo sticks over the swimming pool.

‘Both segregationist governor George Wallace and civil rights leader Vernon Jordan told me how much it meant to them that my mother was among the first at their bedsides after they were shot.’

By Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.

My mother was the sixth of the seven children of George and Ann Brannack Skakel. Her father grew up on a South Dakota homestead spread, never graduated high school, rode the rails to Chicago at age 14, and made a fortune in the carbon industry. He was a workaholic with a gift for numbers and a genius for turning muck into gold. During the Great Depression, there were 24 known millionaires in America. Joe Kennedy was one, George Skakel was another. My grandpa Joe was F.D.R.’s largest contributor and held three government appointments during his administration. The Skakels were, in contrast, oil and gas Republicans. Grandpa George rarely spoke disparagingly, except concerning Democrats, labor unions, and Franklin Roosevelt, all of whom he loathed. Grandma Ann was the daughter of a giant jut-jawed Irish cop in Chicago, who had a knack for spending moolah nearly as fast as Grandpa made it. Her children called her “Big Ann” because of her big personality, because she stood six inches …

Remedies

Sick of It All

‘I existed like a stone, a plant, a microbe'

Ginger can negate the nausea of existence, a phenomenon chronicled by French philosopher-novelist J.P. Sartre

It’s anti-inflammatory, antifungal, antimicrobial, antidiabetic, antispasmodic, antihypertensive, anti-hyperlipidemic, anti-tumor, and analgesic. It also fractures flatulence.

By Amanda Fortini

“Things are bad! Things are very bad: I have it, the filth, the Nausea,” Antoine Roquentin, the dyspeptic protagonist of Jean-Paul Sartre’s novel, Nausea, writes in his diary. “And this time it is new: it caught me in a café,” he continues, “I dropped to a seat, I no longer knew where I was; I saw the colours spin slowly around me, I wanted to vomit. And since that time, the Nausea has not left me, it holds me.” Has anyone ever needed ginger, the nausea remedy I’m going to tell you about, more than Antoine Roquentin? I mean, aside from pretty much every person in America these past four years. Let me explain. Roquentin, the French philosopher’s alter ego, is a young writer at work on a biography of a minor eighteenth-century French diplomat, the Marquis de Rollebon. He’s also the proverbial man at loose ends: ambling around, loafing in cafés, hate-watching strangers while contending with bouts of existential malaise he’s named “the Nausea.” Meanwhile, in his diary, which is also the …