Alabama — Burning effigy of Lionel Messi at “It Ain’t Football!” monster truck rally Alaska — Giant soccer-ball-sized snowball fight with catapults Arizona — “Kick like a Mule” tournament featuring teams of mules playing soccer Arkansas — Greased hog capture event on regulation soccer pitch California — Night of 10,000 youth soccer games sponsored by Mexican cartels Colorado — Rich people play soccer behind electric fences guarded by armed drones Connecticut — Coronation of State Soccer Mom MILF Delaware — Visa/Mastercard promotional 24.78% interest rate on all youth soccer equipment Florida — Soccer Moms versus MAGA Moms Spring Break Wet T-Shirt Contest Georgia — “Use your feet not your hands, son” event sponsored by Jermaine Dupri and Young Thug Hawaii — Pineapple foot-juggling contest luau Idaho — Carving swastikas into soccer balls with a KA-BAR knife at Hayden Lake Illinois — Barack Obama Presidential Library neighborhood street soccer party (donors only) Indiana — Peyton “plays …