Bouquets and Brickbats

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To the town fathers of Hoquiam, Washington are trying to ram through the construction of a British-owned wood pellet plant across the street from the city’s high school and middle school. The plant will produce 1,349,874 lbs. of toxic pollutants, poisoning students and area humans as well as pets, birds, and fish. The bulk of these pollutants will be airborne. These include Acetaldehyde, Acrolein, Benzene, 2-Ethylhexyl Phthalate, Chloromethane, Formaldehyde, Hexane, Naphthalene, Phenol, Toluene, Mercury, Methylene Chloride, and Sulfur Dioxide. The wood pellets that will be produced by the plant are illegal for use in the United States. As unbelievable as this sounds, it’s true. Nor are the members of the city council of Hoquiam uniquely venal and stupid. Toxin-spewing plants have been proliferating in the United States for the past decade or more, mostly in southern states and rural areas of the country. In part, that’s because the large federal agencies responsible for the safety of …

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American Glossary

By The Editors

Campus protests — The most important part of your education is preventing other students from going to class Frats — A danger to students, may prevent them from going to class Ivy League degrees — Strictly for suckers YouTube videos — Free college Sky Dog — A cure for what ails ya Republican Party — The Washington Generals Illegal immigrants — Tomorrow’s voters Pot Stores — Tomorrow’s RJ Reynolds

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Crime Blotter

By The Editors

Radnor Township, PA: In a truly terrifying crime, the staff of the Giant convenience store on E. Lancaster Ave. in Radnor Township, PA, reported receiving counterfeit money from a blank male wearing a gray hoodie who passed three counterfeit fifty-dollar bills in the store. There is no word if the counterfeit money was also blank, or how local law enforcement plans to recognize the criminal. Clarendon County, SC: Two staff members at the McLeod Health hospital in Clarendon, SC, reported being attacked by patient Joseph Mitchum, 48, of Manning. After Mitchum asked for some extra food, the first victim replied that there was no more food. Mitchum then became irate and attempted to go to the refrigerator, which Victim 1 stopped him from doing. Mitchum then opened a drawer and yelled, “See! There’s a graham cracker!” before slamming the door shut. The first victim then advised that she again instructed the patient to go into his room. When Victim 2 approached Mitchum to assist him back to …