No More Fun
Six Flags America became a relic of an all-too-recent age when we all rode rollercoasters while being indoctrinated into a Disney-like version of a common past.
The DC suburbs are now home to an astounding share of our national wealth, thanks in part to Osama bin Laden and the taxpayer-funded paranoia industry he helped to create.
A pestilence of lanternflies.
The decay of the Six Flags America theme park outside Washington, DC, is a painful reminder that America itself may only be a passing moment on the billion-year scale of geologic time. Superman: Ride of Steel is now in danger of being melted into industrial sludge, perhaps to be repurposed as the siding of an Amazon fulfilment center. While the statue of Daffy Duck in a tricorner hat that crowned the fake Independence Hall next to the fake Liberty Bell — discordantly Philly-located landmarks — will be lucky to decorate the lawn of some wealthy Americana enthusiast, to me it’s a no-brainer that The Wild One, until recently the oldest operating rollercoaster in the United States, should be relocated to the National Mall. But this is the dream of a child. The Wild One will be sawdust soon; there is no fantasy that can rescue it, and probably us, from the junkyard. In the spring of 2025, the financially embattled Six Flags chain announced that the upcoming season would be the final one …
