Nobody Knows
Take it from me, Mr. Doesn’t-Know-Anything
Indeterminacy rules, to hell with what the statistics and the rule books say
If you believe half of what you read, and a quarter of what you see, you’re being deceived
How far is it from New York City to Cleveland, Ohio? Nobody knows. Some people will tell you it is a specific number. A satellite measured the New York–Cleveland distance as 465.03 miles, or 739.01 kilometers, but that was before the pandemic — in other words, today nobody really knows. How long is the Lincoln Tunnel? As it happens, we do know the answer to that. The Lincoln Tunnel is about fifteen hundred miles long — or 1,498 miles, to be exact. But if the Lincoln Tunnel is that long, as we have discovered for ourselves by driving through it many times, how can the entire distance to Cleveland, in a completely different, Midwestern state, be shorter? And how can the width of the Hudson River, which the Lincoln Tunnel goes under, be less than half a mile? The answer to that is: Nobody knows. One thing that nobody knows is the trouble I’ve seen. It’s my own trouble, and even I do not know the trouble I’ve seen. Now, I can say, “I’ve seen a lot of trouble, especially with leaving …